Isn't it time we updated some famous quotes?
In the beginning... was the word. And the word was... Aardvark. Aardvarks are the last survivors of a primitive group of mammals that have lived in Africa since the dinosaurs. They were originally classified alongside anteaters and armadillos in the order Edentata ("no teeth"), but they are not remotely related, having evolved on different landmasses. In fact, aardvarks don't have any close relatives: they are the only mammal species that boasts an entire order to itself. Tubulidentata means "tube-toothed" and aardvark teeth are completely different from those of any other animal. They are twenty flat-topped pegs, made up of hexagonal tubes, right at the back of their mouths. Instead of enamel, they are covered with cementum, the stuff that is normally inside teeth. Like rodents' teeth, they never stop growing. The aardvark has a primitive, "designed by committee" look to it: the nose of an anteater, the ears of a donkey, the feet of a rabbit, and the tail of a giant rat. But don't be fooled: it has outlasted many other species because it does one thing supremely well. It is a termite-eating machine. As soon as darkness falls it leaves its burrow and applies its snout to the ground, snuffling in huge zigzags across the savannah in search of mounds to crack open and lick clean. It can cover thirty miles and vacuum up more than ten pints of termites in a single evening. The aardvark nose contains more bones and scent receptors than that of any other mammal. Its ears can pick up the tiniest of underground movements and its powerful claws tear open mounds that would blunt a pickax. Aardvarks are strong: they can grow to the size of a defensive tackle and dig a burrow faster than six men using shovels. Their thick skin protects them from termite bites, and as the long, sticky tongue reels in supper, they can close their nostrils at will, to stop the insects running up inside. They have also built up a remarkably beneficial relationship with a plant known as the aardvark cucumber, which grows its fruits underground. Aardvarks dig them up and eat them when water is scarce, then bury their seed-laden droppings, ensuring the plants' survival. The San (bushmen) of the Kalahari call the fruit "aardvark dung." Humans and hyenas are the only predators that will attack a fighting-fit aardvark. Despite its solitary, reclusive nature, a cornered aardvark is a formidable foe, slashing with its claws, kicking its legs, and executing high-speed forward somersaults. Aardvarks are hunted for meat and leather: aardvark is Afrikaans for "earth pig" and they are said to taste like gamey pork. They are also called ant bears, but their Latin name, Orycteropus afer, means "African digger-foot." The bushmen believe that aardvarks have supernatural powers because they are literally in touch with the underworld. This elusive nocturnal animal probably only became known in the English-speaking world because it is so close to the start of the dictionary. It very nearly didn't make it. Aardvark, the fourth noun listed in the 1928 Oxford English Dictionary, owes its inclusion to the editor James Murray, who overrode his assistant's opinion that the word was too technical. If you're wondering what the point of this is... it's the rule of fractals. The closer you look, the more you see. This brings wonder to us every day. |